Excerpt from The Relationship Revolution by Owen Williams
One of the fundamentally agonizing questions we ask ourselves in relationship is “how do I know when to end it?” I cannot begin to tell you the number of men and women I have coached over the years who still live with regret or self-doubt about their decision to end a past relationship. How do you know when is the right time to leave a relationship? You will know the right time to leave as you will feel peaceful. The more important question to be with is “Have I fully thrown myself into the relationship?” If we are honest with ourselves, most of us would have to admit that we have more to give than we have to date.
If the answer is a resounding yes the path is ahead of you. You will be with the deep realization that you have done everything within your power to set a tone and intention for yourself in the relationship and for your partner to join you there. Setting the tone is a courageous and loving act. For yourself and your partner. When you choose to step in to this new way, you will be tested. Think about it. If things have been going along in a less than desirable way and you decide to change the rules of the system that you have co-created, the other person isn’t suddenly going to throw their arms around you and proclaim their undying love for you for finally stepping up to the plate. No, they are more likely going to criticize and resist, resent and challenge you to see if you are willing to stay in the tension of the truth and stay grounded in the process. Someone has to be a rock in the process and hold the focus for something better.
People usually leave out of reaction, anger and frustration, projecting onto the other all that they didn’t do or needed to do in order for the relationship to work. This is anything but peaceful. If we choose to step in and meet our own edge, we will have to grow through it. Only in this space in the relationship will we be able to determine our partner’s willingness to join us. It is a choice every step of the way. If they choose not to meet us there and we have a deep knowing that we have done all that we can do to hold a sacred space for the other to meet us, we can step through to the other side in a loving and peaceful way. Yes, there will be sadness and disappointment for the loss of what we had hoped for, but there is also a freedom in our knowing our deeper truth and the freedom to move on and grow.”
You have to be willing to let go before you can grow.